How did that make you feel?

I had a friend once tell me that he made all of his parenting decisions based on what his parents would have done when he was a child.  He did the opposite of everything they ever did. For example, his parents never went to his games or events. He went to every event his work schedule allowed.  The reason for this parenting style was because he did not want his children to ever feel like he felt due to his parents’ parenting style, or lack thereof.

I took that and thought about it. A Lot.

When raising kids, we should all ask ourselves, “how did that particular punishment make us feel?”  We forget we are raising little humans.. They have feelings too..

Did you enjoy being belittled?  Spoken down to?

Just because your mom was hard doesn't mean you should be, or even that her behavior was right!   Just because your dad yelled, doesn’t mean you should too!

Even if you turned out to be a good person, your parents’ parenting styles may not be something you should model.  

Did you lie to your parents all the time?  Did you hide things? Were you afraid of your parents?

Why do you think your kids will respond differently to you?  Did you like being around your parents? Did you share your real life with them?  

If the answers to these questions are not something you want your children to model - change your parenting style.  Change it now.

Why do we do things we hate?   Because it is all we know and we don’t always know we are doing it.  Be aware of your behavior!

We are raising little teenagers.  We are raising adults. We are raising the next generation.  We want them to be good people. We want them to be caring. We want them to show love not hate.  Let's start at home.

Be firm but fair.  Be strong, not vicious.  Be calm, not crazy!

Your children want your attention, and they will get it either in a good way or a bad way.  Pay more attention to the good things they do, not the bad. Point out your kid’s abilities, not their faults.  If they play a certain position because you can count on them, tell them! They cannot read your mind. If you are proud, say it, even if you have the pull the words of your own mouth!

Speak truth and life to your kids.  Tell them they are awesome. Tell them they are smart.  Tell them the good things, NOT the bad things.

The bad things carry so much more weight than the good.  For me personally, it takes 3 or 4 good compliments for me to outweigh a bad one.  Kids are worse!!

Be the parent you wanted, not the one you had.  Yes you turned out ok, but you could have been happier along the way.

Be involved.  In order to see the good things, you have to be present.  You have to be involved. The way you spend your time speaks volumes.  Are you spending your time playing on your phone or talking to your kids?  Are you spending time working and missing your kids growing up?

What will your children say about you?

Will they say, “my mom, she was always there, she was my biggest supporter?”  Or will they say, “my mom, nothing I ever did was good enough for her?” Will they say, “my dad listened but was firm and fair?”  Or will they say, “shhh don’t tell dad, he will flip out?”

I am speaking to you all as well as myself.  I hope my girls say “my momma, she was always there for me and was my biggest supporter,” but I worry it will be “my momma was always there pushing and criticizing.”  

I firmly believe we are all going to mess our kids up in some way or another, but maybe we should not repeat history, if possible. Try to look at your parenting from an outsider looking in...what do you see?  

Be Different Folks!