Awkward Talks...

Do you have something to say to your significant other but they can’t hear you when you speak. Like really hear you? Does everything you say end up in a fight?

If I have something important to say and I don’t want to start a fight, I write it down.   I know that sounds nuts but sometimes we could only talk through letters.

My current go to for an awkward “talk” is email...If I have something important to say and I don’t want to be interrupted or misheard, I write an email.  My husband does not check his email all day. He checks it when he has time and has a moment to think...So email is perfect. No I don’t email him everyday, but when we are having a hard time communicating, it helps. When I have something important to say and know I will have a hard time actually saying it - I email it..   Text communication often comes off as more “right now” and can be taken more demanding than intended. Plus they're not read as thoroughly as an email, letter, or note!

There are times in relationships when you are so damn mad you just can’t or don't want to talk to the other person...There are times when you cannot speak to each other without yelling.  I’ve had those moments… Looking back on them, at least half of them were caused by me. But you have to be able to communicate. You have to be able to be heard, and to hear your partner.  

Write a sticky note that says “I’m Sorry!”  Write a letter that may turn into a book if you have to..Write an email or send a well thought out text!  

Not talking leads to being lonely in a relationship and that's worse than actually being alone.

Do you even know why you are mad anymore?  If so, deal with that issue and let it go if you want to be happy.  If you don’t know why you are mad….think about it and then let those feelings go so you can be happy.  You cannot be mad and happy at the same time. It doesn’t work like that..

Send an email to “clear the air” but think about what you are trying to say.  Don’t be hateful. Don’t be disrespectful. When you are creating this email, think of it like you are writing to a stranger.  Be clear and don’t ramble! You are attempting to repair things not cause irreparable damage to your relationship! Do not be a jerk.  Speak to this person how you would like to be spoken to. Do not place blame. What part of this problem did you cause? Apologize for it and mean the apology and don’t do it again!  

I truly believe that if your partner loves you, then they want you to be happy. Speak the truth and then let God handle the rest.  Tell your loved one how you feel and what you really want. Do you want to be happy with them? Tell them and tell them what that looks like!  They may think you want something totally different. Or they may be adding pressure to themselves because you haven’t been clear. You may have added pressure to yourself and don't even know it.  

Your significant other may not care that you can't cook a decent meal to save your life...and you are mad because you think they are judging you for your ability to burn water.  You may be mad because they hurt your feelings and they have no idea they even hurt your feelings…

Stop punishing your partner and start loving them.

Start over by not saying anything negative.  NOT EVEN when provoked! This may be harder for some of us than others. But, choosing not to say the first smart remark that comes to mind WILL repair your relationship a little more each time you restrain yourself!  

Once you and your significant other are “friends” again, then start to flirt with your partner.  Yes they are going to look at you like you are an alien for a few minutes, but they enjoyed the attention from you for sure!  Send a flirty text. Pay attention to your partner like you did when you first started dating…. Bring back the good ol days!

Some of this will not be natural.  You may have a 1000 things to do today and taking time to send flirty texts is not one of them….well it should be.  We all get wrapped up in ourselves. We all get stuck looking at our phones anyway...send a couple of happy face emojis to your significant other.  Remind yourself to ask your loved ones how their day was! Then look at them while they tell you about it…

Be quiet… Again, not natural for some!  But, nobody wants to be around someone that nags all the time.  You may be right, but you do not have to announce it, and you don’t have to remind the other one how stupid they were….Treat your partner how you want to be treated.

Look at the way you are acting - are you lovable?   Nobody wants to hug on a grizzly bear!

One day during prayer and trying to find some answers to life's questions, this message spoke to me:

“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun - all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”  Ecclesiastes 9: 9

I take this to mean that I am to enjoy my husband and he is to enjoy me.  All of me….I have a few years on this earth and I am supposed to have fun.  I am supposed to have trouble too. But I am to make the best of the years God has given me!  Fighting with my husband is not something I enjoy, or making the best of my years.

My overall life is better when my home life is better.  When my husband and I are on the same page, we make a great team.  We have to communicate to even be on the same team!

Start small folks...choose to be involved.  Choose to ask questions. You make the effort.  Your way is not the only way. You try to be different to them and see if they are different with you.  You can only fix you.

Be Different Folks!