That's Not My Circle!

If you are a control freak or are a recovering control freak this phrase can help you!!  That’s not my circle…

I went to a woman’s day event and Susan Goss, one of the speakers, spoke about “That’s Not My Circle.” What that means is you only have control over what is in your circle.  You only have the ability to be frustrated with what is in your circle. You are only stressed by what is in your circle.

YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL WHAT IS IN YOUR CIRCLE!

She explained how to practice this by asking everyone to draw a circle around yourself…”that’s it’s darlin that’s all you can control..  Nope, not your kids! Nope, not your husband!! Not your boyfriend!! Not your job, not your boss, no one except the one in the circle. Which is you!” She said.

What she went on to explain is that everything outside of that circle was God’s business and not my business. In my head I say “My momma has been telling me for years to mind my own business!! Now you too…”. She explains that ultimately everything is already worked out, and if you would just get out of the way and give it to God you will be so much more at peace.  You will be happy with your circle. You will feel whole and calm! Whole and calm were magical words to me!! I wanted to be calm sooo bad I felt tears well up for it, I wanted it so bad!!

I was really listening now… she told us about how we can’t make our significant other be something they are not.  We cannot control how they treat us either but we can control how we respond. First give respect to get respect. Don’t demand things - ask politely like you would a stranger.  If you requested a task to be completed and it wasn’t, and you have the funds to pay someone to do it, PAY THEM! Why keep punishing yourself by being annoying with the leaky faucet...call a plumber and then the annoyance is gone!  If no one wants to help you clean and you have the funds hire a housekeeper, there is no reason to carry the aggravation if something can be done about it. You are only really punishing yourself. Let it GO! Is it really that big of a deal? Really?  Like if they are gone to heaven are you really going to be so annoyed about those dirty undies outside of the laundry basket… (my wheels are really turning in my head now)

What this means to me is I can control how I respond. After many hours of self reflection and thought, I now know I am not responsible for other people's shortcomings. I did not cause that problem.  I only control how I respond. I can offer advice but it is not my responsibility to fix the problem! If the problem can be easily remedied and no one wants to make the effort - I can take myself off the hook.  I have control over myself, my time and my effort.  I can choose to be mad or I can choose to be glad.  I can choose to forgive my husband’s annoying alarm clock habit or I can choose to be annoyed that it goes off all morning and he cannot hear it… I choose to push snooze and gently wake him because it makes my day better and probably his too..I normally just wake up before him, because even with my new found peace it’s hard not be annoyed by someone else’s alarm clock... but hey its progress from before... Before I was WAKE UP!  TURN THAT OFF! And my anger would grow each time as this routine continued..several Saturday mornings were ruined by this activity..but now I am trying to choose to respond differently.

I am not responsible for my child’s current meltdown but I am responsible for how I respond to the tantrum.  If I scream and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?! Stop it!! Or get crazy/overactive in my response, my child is going to act the same way.  They only learn what they see!! THEY ONLY LEARN WHAT THEY SEE!! You are the adult. You have to be a good example. Model what you would like to see in your children.  They will learn more organically!

I am responsible for how I interact with the world.  I am responsible for being a good mate! If I want to be respected and spoken to considerately I should give them same.  I should be polite to my husband! I should be respectful when I speak to my kids!

I fail at all these but I am trying to make a conscious effort to control my responses.  I do believe I have come a long way! I ask God to change my heart if my circumstances are not going to change, and believe it or not, most of the time he changes me.

Be Different Folks!