Grow on Purpose
My life has gone from looking great on the outside and feeling suffocated on the inside, to looking even better on the outside and feeling way better on the inside too. No, I am not 100% different, but I am different and I choose to hang on to that!
What does growing on purpose look like? Well for me it was slow, like a snail at first, until I stopped fighting it so hard. Once I realized I was not in charge of my day--NOT REALLY--everything became easier! But before I came to that realization I changed a few things in my daily routine. Instead of waking up late, I wake up early and listen to something positive. I have stopped listening to the news! It's amazing - I am not affected at all by what is happening in the news. Nope, not one thing has happened to me except not having an umbrella when it rained, from not watching the news. If it's that bad someone will say something about it on Facebook! That as close as I get to the news. I also removed a lot of negative people from my Facebook or I stopped following their posts. I started seeing positive results in my attitude in the morning, so I must be on to something here!
So I added some more changes... I was growing myself on purpose. I realized that if I did not like where I was or what I was doing, I could pivot a little one way or the other and change the result. I am not someone that likes change, so this concept was eye opening to me! I can just change a little, I thought!! I can do that, so I started everywhere and every day.
A example in everyday life.... If I actually enter the grocery store with a list or without a list, I am bound to forget something (YES even if its on the list!) and have to go back to get to a previous aisle. I do this with the kids a lot, but I think that's because I have two busy bodies I am attempting to contain. However, when I used to do the same thing even by myself, I would become annoyed with myself. The thought in my head would be, “ugh, Melissa, why can't you get your shit together?!? Now I just choose to think “who am I supposed to see or meet on this aisle, because clearly I am suppose to be on it?!?”
Once this was proven to me by the Holy Spirit 100%!! I was going to this church and I just kept thinking “these people are so freaking nice.. I can't go there. I am not like them!” Then once, I was at HEB and I had forgotten the salt at least three times...I had to have the salt. It was on the list! So I am cussing myself as I turn the spice aisle--for the third time!!! And there is BOB! (the names used are code names - sshhh) Bob is a very active member at the church I am attending and he is super nice. His wife is beautiful, and their kids are well behaved and beautiful... Anyway, from a skeptical person like me, they look too good to be true! So, I push my buggy to the salt, I go to grab it, and Bob says, “hey Melissa how are you?!” With a huge Texas size smile! I say, “I am fine, how are you?” With a “blah” face at best! He says, “man, not good. I was such a jerk. I am such a jerk to my wife.” I just stood there in shock a little.. He continued, “she has been sick - laid up on the couch for three days, and instead of being a supportive husband, all I can do is yell at her!” He said, “I yelled at her about the kids. ‘If you made them take care of themselves and do something, this place wouldn't look like a disaster and things would not be out of control. But since you are too nice to them, they run all over you, and when you are sick our house is trainwreck and everyone is out of control!’ Man, Melissa, can you believe I said that? I am such a jerk!!" I wasl in complete shock and he looked at me (for what I felt like was forever) and I all I could say was “Yeah, I am a terrible nurse too... The moment my husband gets the sniffles, I am in a bad mood!” But what I was really thinking was ‘holy shit...I was just thinking about how I don't fit in, but even Bob is a jerk sometimes, their kids are out of control, and Ann has mom guilt too!’ Then that lead me to ‘well that is why I forgot the salt so many times.. I will stop being so hard on myself!’ I realized God sent Bob there to bare his soul to me at HEB SO I COULD SEE!
What I could see now is that Bob is not perfect. I am not perfect. My family is not perfect. I am not supposed to be perfect. I am not supposed to be perfect at church. It's ok that I am late for church! At least I came!! It's ok to have kids that are out of control. It is ok to have a bad attitude. It is ok to be a crappy mate! (Not all the time though!!) We all suck sometimes... so you might as well suck together in a place of worship!
The next Sunday I saw Bob at church in a class and he confessed to the group that he confessed to me at random in HEB. He said, “I have no idea why I said all that, but Melissa and I had a confessional by the spices.” Ann was there smiling a shy smile in the background through the story. I do not know Ann and Bob very well but I believe they were put in my life for a reason. I am not sure if they have already served their purpose or not for me, but they have already impacted it as it is! And that is more than enough.
I have played this event in my head a least a million times.. I choose to believe that everyone I come across is sent to me for a reason. Sometimes I don't know the reason. Sometimes it’s just because they need a place to live and I manage rental properties. Sometimes it is because they need a friend. Sometimes they need hard truths - I've got lots of those! Sometimes they need someone positive. Sometimes they need a reality check! Sometimes they need a laugh.
This was the first of many events that have happened in the last year that has told me to live by faith and to stop stressing over my to do list. To stop thinking about tomorrow. Today has enough trouble of its own! Focus on the now or your life passes you by. I choose to think differently and have an open mind.
When I go to a store I try to remind myself to make eye contact and say hello! I ask people about their day. Most of the time they are happy I asked, and I can see a light go over there face like “wow, a customer just asked me how I was doing!” Live intentionally. Stop letting your life pass you by. Stop and look at the scenery. The people in your life are there for a reason. Stop and say hello! If you lose ten minutes to someone in small talk, it may have brightened their day, and most of the time it brightened mine!
Be Different Folks!
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