Be Different

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I wanted to be different.  I wanted to feel different.  I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be content.  I was tired of not being enough. I was tired of never having enough time, money, sleep, and patience.  Just tired....
There is a song called “Different” by Micah Tyler.  The lyrics of this song have been burned into my soul.  
I want to be different
I want to be changed
Til’ all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire that is so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different in me.....
I wanted to be different.  A post from a women's bible study group said to pick one word.  Pick a word to describe what you want to be this time next year. My word was Different.  Different kept coming up.....


Everything should be fine because on the outside it was, but on the inside I was a big ol mess.  I didn't want to be mad. I didn't want to snap all the time. I didn't want to work all the time.  I didn't want to skip out on my life anymore. I was just annoyed with the business of my life!!! I am not sure why besides I was in a bad mood..  Nothing bad happened. No bad childhood. My kids are healthy. My house is beautiful. My husband loves me. I love him! What woman? What more do you want?!?!?


I went on vacation and had this same question over and over.. what's your problem lady?!?!?  I just wasn't content! Then it hit me… It was me......... IT WAS ME!!!!


Finally, I thought, I do want to be different.  I really do! I just want to be relaxed like I am on vacation.  I started to pray and one day even cried out! “I am so tired of this!!!  I am tired of trying, just take it from me.... I don't want it Lord!”


By "IT" I mean the guilt of:


I didn't get all my todo list done.  
I was a jackass to my husband.
I yelled at my kids.
I forgot this work issue.
I promised I would help, but now I just don't want to.
I said I would go, but all can think about is what I didn't get finished.
The guilt of “life” and not being good enough.  
I wanted to attempt to make “small” changes in my life--because I am not a huge fan of change--just to see if I could be different. I imagine myself as a combination dial...  “Well, I didn’t like the way THAT worked out, so, I shall adjust my dial a little to the right and let's see the result.” It turned out to be exactly what I needed!


I asked God to change my situation.  And if my situation isn't changing, then I ask God to change my heart.  He does each time!!


This blog is my way of attempting to help others be different.  I wanted to be happier. I am happier, and I want to share my new perspective with anyone.  
I am a happily married mother of two little girls with a full time “24/7 professional-problem-solver-of-sorts” profession.  My jobs--yes plural--consist of being a landlord to almost 200 units, my husband’s assistant in his construction business, and real estate sales.  I have a lot of balls in the air at all times. I drop one or two from time to time... I am ok with that. It is called being human. I'm human and so are you - give yourself a little slack!!  
This is the only life we have and we are just watching it pass us by!!!
I did not want to watch my life go by or wait for it to start... this is it folks!  This is our best life. The only thing that can change it is us and GOD. So I picked God and asked him to show me the right choices… to change my heart since my circumstances were not changing, and He did! So now I’ve decided to start a blog!  Because a few people thought what I had to say was good and it helped them. Maybe my story can help you! If nothing else it should be encouraging and funny, at least that's the goal!
Be Different Folks!  

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